Matthew Perry died yesterday and a lot of his fans feel significant loss. I have always loved Friends and it is really, really sad. I think what magnifies the loss is knowing how much he struggled with alcohol and drugs and how he survived being so, so critically ill. It seems like a cruel twist of fate for him to have survived being on death’s door only to allegedly get better and then lose his life anyway.
This is hauntingly familiar to me. My ex, M., also survived being on life support and in a coma. There were many times doctors prepared us that he might not survive, but he did. He also ended up dying shortly after from a heart attack, at age 37.
When someone is actively using drugs or drinking, I think the people who love them have that nagging, uneasy, and constant thought in the back of your mind that you can lose them at any time. The day after M. was put on life support, I remember saying over and over that had to go to treatment and he couldn’t just come home…that I wasn’t going to let him to die in my house. Less than two years later, he did die. At his house. Alone.
When I read about Matthew Perry dying and the speculation that he had a heart attack while being home alone, I couldn’t help but think about M. and his struggles. He also tried to use humor to mask his depression and addiction.
It’s just so overwhelming sad how many lives are ruined because of addiction. I have a lot of empathy for both the people who struggle and the people who love them. I have loved two alcoholics in my life- my father and my ex and it had caused me a lot of pain.
The only tiny silver lining when someone famous dies of addiction is that attention is given to the issue and resources are made more publicly available. Hopefully someone is inspired to get help and another family can avoid having to experience a tragic loss.
Anxious ACOA 