So, it has now been almost two months since my boyfriend moved in. The first two weeks were awful, then things seemed to settle down for a couple weeks and were good, but now they are back to being worse than ever. I actually think we maybe broke up last night. I am not sure how that works considering he lives at my house now. So the first two weeks of our cohabitation were bad, the second two were pretty good and now things are downright ugly.
I think it boils down to he does not like his job and he is really depressed. He is prone to depression anyway, but I have never seen the ripple effect like this. He basically acts like he can’t stand me and tells me everything is my fault, but then says he is depressed and I need to stop making it about me. His actions are directly affecting me!! One big thing in addition to our constant bickering is that there is literally no physical affection in our relationship. Forget doing “it”, he acts like I have a disease if I try to touch him at all. I feel so resentful towards him right now because I feel like he totally changed once he moved in. I really did try to be patient (at least I did once I realized just how stressed out he was after moving and changing jobs), but this is getting ridiculous and is causing so much anxiety for me. He is cranky and nasty and we don’t have any fun together anymore, let alone actually talk about anything important (or even just lighthearted conversations). I have dealt with situational depression before and went off all my medication in December and now I am a crying, hot mess.
I don’t know if I should give up and just tell him he needs to move out. I don’t know if his feelings towards me have changed, but at this point it doesn’t really matter because he acts like they have. How many times can I try to talk to him when he is just shutting me out? I know it hasn’t been long and the transition is way harder than I thought it would be, so does it just need more time?
**Disclaimer: I am obviously not perfect…I do things that cause arguments, too and I know I have become even more sensitive and defensive lately. But I know that I am not mean to him like he is to me. I really do want to make him happy and I know I have put in a lot more effort into our relationship over these past few weeks than he has.
ps- totally different topic, but my father started smoking again and I am pretty sure he is also drinking (backstory: alcoholic for 25 years, had stroke, forced to get clean, was for 5 months, got doctor’s clearance to drive and is a nasty jerk again). I feel like I can’t even talk to my boyfriend about this and I am having a hard time talking to my friends about my boyfriend situation- I feel like I am “that girl”…they were all so supportive during my divorce and now I am having very similar relationship problems again and it is very embarrassing.
I feel really alone.