Shut. Up!!

I had a realization yesterday with my therapist and it is this: I hate, hate, hate when people tell me what to do or give me their “advice” when it comes to my family, especially my father. And I really, really HATE when the person who is doing this has a “normal” family!! I mean, who the hell are you to tell me what to do? Unless you know what it feels like to run- literally RUN- from your father in fear of being hit, then shut up. If you haven’t had to deal with ruined holidays, DYFS, being harassed, secretly emptying liquor bottles and being called names by your parent, then shut the hell up. And until you have stood in front of a judge in a courtroom (on your BIRTHDAY) to drop assault charges against your father, then shut the f*ck up! If my friend who also has an alcoholic parent wants to offer me advice or suggestions, I am all ears. Otherwise, keep your “tough love” and your “I wouldn’t put up with that” comments to yourself.

I understand that you don’t understand- but here’s the thing…you don’t have to!!! I don’t expect anyone to “get” why I still allow my father to be a part of my life, but that is the decision I have made. He has a limited role in my life, but if I can talk to him civilly after everything he did to me, then you certainly can just suck it up and deal with it.

Take care

Tomorrow is exactly a month since my dad had a stroke. I honestly had no idea that he would be in a facility this long. He is still not doing great- he has become more reliant on the wheelchair and is oftentimes very confused. Tomorrow the physical rehabilitation center is submitting a report to the insurance company and then we will know when he will be discharged. It is pretty scary to think about him being home because he still needs so much help and we don’t know how much longer he will not drink. It is like I am just now really realizing how much things will be different now, for both him and my mom. I guess I was disillusioned that things would just “go back to normal” (although our normal is SO abnormal, it is still what we are all used to in my family). This weekend my boyfriend and I brought a bed up to my parent’s house so that my dad will not have to go up the stairs to his bedroom. Again, it really sunk in that my dad is disabled now. I feel awful for my mother that she really now will have to be a caretaker for this man who has treated her so horribly for two decades (although I did gently point out to her that if she had left him before she wouldn’t be in this position, which now sounds kind of harsh).

It is all just too much to think about all the changes that are going to happen now. He’s been in this facility for a month and it has been their responsibility to take care of him. My sister went to visit him today and called me afterwards to tell me that she had to help him go to the bathroom (she has claimed the “Daughter of the Year” award- lol). To be honest, most of this time I have been thinking about whether or not he will drink (I am 99.9% sure he will) and how hard it will be for my mom. I think I need to keep an open mind about what the new normal will be in our family going forward!