I had a realization yesterday with my therapist and it is this: I hate, hate, hate when people tell me what to do or give me their “advice” when it comes to my family, especially my father. And I really, really HATE when the person who is doing this has a “normal” family!! I mean, who the hell are you to tell me what to do? Unless you know what it feels like to run- literally RUN- from your father in fear of being hit, then shut up. If you haven’t had to deal with ruined holidays, DYFS, being harassed, secretly emptying liquor bottles and being called names by your parent, then shut the hell up. And until you have stood in front of a judge in a courtroom (on your BIRTHDAY) to drop assault charges against your father, then shut the f*ck up! If my friend who also has an alcoholic parent wants to offer me advice or suggestions, I am all ears. Otherwise, keep your “tough love” and your “I wouldn’t put up with that” comments to yourself.
I understand that you don’t understand- but here’s the thing…you don’t have to!!! I don’t expect anyone to “get” why I still allow my father to be a part of my life, but that is the decision I have made. He has a limited role in my life, but if I can talk to him civilly after everything he did to me, then you certainly can just suck it up and deal with it.