Everyone seems to be in a happy, positive, festive mood today, but I am kind of blah and cranky and a little depressed/anxious. I have never really been a big fan of New Year’s Eve. I guess because I am not a big drinker or partier, it has always been a little anticlimactic. Today doesn’t feel any different than any other day for me. When I was younger, I used to make resolutions, but like most people, I never really kept them. Now, the only difference of a new year is just getting used to writing 2017 instead of 2016. I don’t want to fool myself into thinking anything is going to be miraculously different just because of the date. I have been sick all week and it is making me feel antsy and anxious, so perhaps I will feel differently tomorrow. I think there is a lot of pressure on NYE to be all like “Yay!” and “New year! New me!” and I appreciate that people want to feel those things, I just don’t. Obviously there are many things I want to improve and change about myself, but I am not in a great space to think about that right now. I think feeling anxious has been throwing me for a loop and once I get that under control, I will feel better. There are a lot of things to look forward to this year- my boyfriend is doing fantastic at work, my job is going well, my friends are doing great and my sister is having a baby and I will have a little niece in the spring. I am not normally a negative person, but I want to validate that this is how I feel.
Anxious ACOA 