My boyfriend and I have been sorting out a few issues before we take the plunge of moving in together. I’m really happy to be with someone who is good at communicating, but I am feeling frustrated about one of the things we have been talking about. My boyfriend has a major issue with my father, which is in itself not very surprising. As I have written about before, I don’t actually see my father all that much, we live an hour apart (although I see my mom all the time). But, my father constantly emails and calls me. I have my iPhone set to not ring when he calls, but I haven’t found a way to not have the voicemail go off when he inevitably leaves a message. He leaves voicemails daily that range from “normal” to irrational, screaming, nonsensical, insulting drunken rants (usually the latter). My sister and I are just used to this and more often than not, I just simply erase the voicemail without even listening it. It doesn’t even phase me anymore, just the way his crazy emails don’t either. I mean, I guess if I have to be totally honest, they do bother me deep down, but I just know that it is beyond my control to stop him. Blocking his cell phone is not an option because then he would just call from their home number and I can’t block my mother, too.
My boyfriend told me that he would not be able to sit silently by when my father treats me badly. He has only been around my father a handful of times and luckily almost all of them went smoothly, but there was one bad holiday where my boyfriend got frustrated and said something to my father that was confrontational when my father was being nasty towards my sister and me. My boyfriend is not disrespectful, but he says that he will approach my father if it continues (not in a physical way, but verbally). The thing is, my boyfriend insists on listening to my dad’s voicemails when my phone beeps when we are together. He explained all of this to my sister and she has the same opinion I do- that if my boyfriend ever does confront my father, nothing good will come of it. My sister and I both think it would honestly make things worse and my dad would end up taking it out on my mother in the long run.
On one hand, I feel very good about the fact that my boyfriend wants to protect me and I think that is very sweet and comforting. But, on the other hand, I just cannot make him understand that NOTHING is going to change how my dad acts and that a confrontation between the two would just be unnecessary drama that would create more problems for me than it would solve. I understand that as a man who loves me, it is hard for my boyfriend to hear my dad berate me. But I am the one who has to deal with my dad and now I am worried that someday down the road there is actually going to be an issue between my father and boyfriend.