I just recently turned 40 and am currently in my 19th year of teaching.  It just struck me that I have now been an educator for almost half of my life!  I knew I wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl and every decision I made about my future was a step towards achieving that dream.  I never even considered any other career and I have never regretted it for a minute.  There have been amazing moments and really, really difficult days, but I truly have a passion for my job and consider myself so lucky to love what I do.

On Friday, my principal came to see me personally to tell me I was nominated for a very prestigious award.  I was so in shock, so honored, so flattered, so overwhelmed.  But, I didn’t want to tell anyone, even though the majority of my best friends are teachers at my same school.  I was almost embarrassed and didn’t want to seem like I was bragging.  I called my mom (who acted like I won an Academy Award- she was so excited) and she told me I was being silly not to share the good news with my friends.  I am also not the type to shout good (or bad) news from the mountaintop.  I did end up sending a group text and they all congratulated me, which was very sweet.

I have felt like a failure a lot in my personal life, from my dysfunctional childhood to my strained relationship with my dad to my struggles with anxiety to my marriage and subsequent divorce, I feel like I suck at life sometimes.  The one area where I have always succeeded and felt confident is in my career.  I have won other local teaching awards and I know I am respected in my school.  But honestly, underneath all the excitement of this amazing nomination, there was a thought in the back of my mind..”why me?”…”I don’t deserve that”…”I won’t win that”.  I know I work hard and I care SO much about teaching, but I still felt…undeserving.

I wrote a blog around the time of my 40th birthday where I reflected on my fear that no one would come to my birthday party (which of course they all did).  I shared that fear with my sister and she said to me, “you do nice things for everyone else and are so thoughtful and generous, why do you think no one wants to do that for you?” and it is because I felt…undeserving. Why would anyone want to celebrate ME? I don’t have really low self-esteem, but I think there is some aspect of my childhood that is tucked deep into my brain that makes me feel like I am not good enough.  I guess that is common for children of alcoholics.  Maybe my 12 year old self felt like if I was good enough maybe my dad wouldn’t drink?

I am very excited and honored about this nomination and I am going to really try to push those negative feelings away and focus on being happy about it, because deep down under those thoughts of not being good enough, I KNOW I am a good teacher who truly cares about her students.


My Liebster Award Post

liebsterblogawardThank you to (Becca Joyce) for nominating me for the Liebster Award!! I am so excited and flattered- this made my night!

The rules are:
*that the bloggers that have been nominated must link back to the person that nominated them

*nominees must answer the eleven questions given to them by the person who nominated them

*those nominated must choose eleven of their fave bloggers that have less than 200 followers to answer their own set of questions

*when you are nominated you cannot nominate the person that nominated you

*after nominating your faves you need to drop them a comment telling them that you nominated them

Here are my Nominees:

Here are the questions Becca Joyce asked me to answer:
1. Where do you tend to do most of your writing?
Actually just in my family room- I know that is kind of boring, but it is comfy and usually pretty quiet. And it is where my cats always are 🙂

2. If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be?
Anne Frank. I am obsessed with her story and life! I actually collect “The Diary of Anne Frank” from other countries and in foreign languages- I have like 35 of them- from Australia, Estonia, Italy, Holland, Spain, etc., etc.

3. What’s the song you keep listening to the most currently?
I have been getting more into country music and I really like “Mine Would Be You” by Blake Shelton

4. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Mexican food in Ireland. I know that’s not necessarily a “weird” food, but it was strange to get tacos my first night in Galway when I was expecting fish and chips.

5. If you could relive any age, which would it be?
Nineteen. It was a great year and a very hard year. It was the year that kicked off by me going to court to deal with assault charges against my dad (on my actual birthday)…but it was also the year I became much stronger and much more independent.

6. What book are you reading at the moment?
The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman (it’s very good!)

7. In your opinion, do aliens exist?
Um, no! (I hope not lol)

8. In your opinion, do ghosts exist?
I’m not sure, but I am terrified of them and have made all my friends and family promise to never come back to visit me after they die.

9. What’s your ‘go to’ comfort food?
Macaroni and Cheese…yum!

10. Who is your embarrassing celebrity crush? (C’mon, we’ve all got one.)
My hot celebrity crush is Mark Wahlberg. My embarrassing celebrity crush is Al Gore 🙂

11. Crossword or Sudoku?
Neither- I can never finish either one!!!

Here are the questions for my nominees:
1. Where do you want to live when you retire?
2. What is your favorite word?
3. Do you believe in heaven?
4. Dogs or cats?
5. Do you know why your parents’ selected your name?
6. What is your all time favorite meal?
7. Did you like high school? Why or why not?
8. What is your prized possession?
9. Do you vote?
10. What is always in your pocket/wallet/purse?
11. What is the best gift you have ever given to someone?

Check out the blogs and the nominated bloggers’ answers.

Thanks again, Becca Joyce!