Is sexting cheating?

My ex-boyfriend and I seem to be having a disagreement about whether or not sexting is considered cheating. He keeps saying that it is not, whereas I believe it is. Full disclosure…he was the one who was texting another woman. I feel like he betrayed my trust and I am very hurt by not only the explicitness of the texts, but also by their emotional connection. He thinks that because “nothing actually happened”, it is not technically cheating.

11 comments on “Is sexting cheating?

  1. Its worrisome that you’re having this debate. It sounds like gaslighting. I feel like this is how many of our cheaters started. Testing the waters through actions that were inappropriate but not really “cheating” via physical contact. It just eventually progresses. And it won’t happen anytime soon, it’ll happen when your relationship is at its weakest and they tend to find other ways to feel good… usually an affair partner. And you’ll somehow get the blame for being neglectful.

    A person with better intentions doesn’t try to convince you it’s not wrong. They will apologize profusely for their wrong act. He’s trying to get away with it. If he’s a boyfriend and he’s doing this now… walk away. Although hindsight is 20/20, I wish I’d had the strength to have walked away years ago. I’d have saved myself a lot of pain and insecurity. Now I’m divorced and in a much healthier relationship. With a man that I’m truly fulfilled with. I will NEVER tolerate those mind games again. You should never have to doubt your morals. Good luck. Xo

    Liked by 2 people

    • Anxious ACOA says:

      We are broken up. That was just one aspect that was problematic in our relationship. He has profusely apologized and knows he was wrong, but I don’t know if he really believes it was “cheating”. He was feeling bad about himself and I know she was stroking his ego.

      Thank you for your comment- I appreciate your advice. I am so happy to hear that you are in a great relationship now 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I actually went back to your last several posts and got caught up. I’m sorry you had to endure this. You should be proud of yourself for having such humanity, strength, and courage. You are a wonderful person and karma will bring you all that you rightfully earned. I wish you as much peace and strength post breakup as possible. Focus on you and continue to rock it!! ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

        • Anxious ACOA says:

          Thank you so much- both for reading my blog and for your kind words. It was really such a traumatic experience and I’m still having a difficult time with it all (it’s also very fresh still). Again, thank you for your sweet response 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Anaida says:

    Sexting is cheating. Although sex is not happening real time it doesn’t mean that two people are not being intimate. Sexting is arguably a form of cheating as it involves intense sensual feelings while imagining another person. It’s a serious breach of trust to the other partner in the relationship. I’ve seen men and women defend sexting as being casual nothing serious sort of an action. However, it also involves sharing explicit images and texts which can definitely count as inappropriate if a person in relationship is doing it with someone else.

    A major red flag.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anxious ACOA says:

      I agree with everything you wrote. I feel very betrayed. The pictures hurt and the things he wrote were painful, but the worst part was he was telling her things he wasn’t telling me 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      • Anaida says:

        It’s absolutely sickening to find out that someone that you trust and love so much does this to you. I wanted to tell you one thing though. He’s not in love with her or even remotely respects her. She’s that new thing at the moment. Pretty soon it’s going to be someone else.

        Don’t wait around for him to change. It’s not going to happen. The best thing you can do is respect yourself. Draw a strong boundary. And stop any interaction with him. He won’t accept his faults. You’ll be proud of yourself in the future for letting him go.

        I hope it goes okay for you. 💜

        Like

        • Anxious ACOA says:

          Thank you for your comment and advice. I agree that I think she was more of a distraction and he liked the attention from her. I just wrote a blog right now about cutting off communication with him…it is definitely what I need to do. Thank you again for reading my blog!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Paula Light says:

    My view is that cheating is what people decide it is, together and explicitly. If you didn’t agree beforehand that sexting was acceptable, then it’s a betrayal of trust and cheating. If you had agreed that sexting was okay, then it’s okay. But you never agreed, so now he’s deciding for you. Nope!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anxious ACOA says:

      Well said! I guess there are couples who are okay with this and that works for them. I certainly never consented to it…we didn’t even text each other in that way!

      Liked by 2 people

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