“Just like me”


One thing that my father often says to me is that I am “just like him”.  He will often slip it into emails or phone conversations.  We will be talking about my sister being financially irresponsible and he will say something like “you have always saved money…you’re just like me”.  I usually just roll my eyes when he says it.  I think for him, he knows he has not been the world’s greatest father (huge understatement!) and he likes to think that I inherited some of his better habits and traits.  I can acknowledge that some aspects of my personality definitely did come from him- I like to learn how to fix things myself, I am financially conservative, I like to plan ahead and I tend to be obsessive about certain things. In other words, when he says this, I take it with a grain of salt. I understand when he says it that it is coming from a place of pride (and probably redemption) that he instilled some good traits in me.

What I hate, however, is when OTHER people say this to me.  My boyfriend has a tendency to start criticism with, “You’re like your father…” or my sister will say,”You sound like dad”.  This bothers me because when they are saying it, it is clearly an insult.  I don’t want to be like my father.  In fact, I can’t really think of many things that would be more offensive than being compared to him because he is widely disliked by mostly everyone who knows him.  I don’t know if it bothers me more because it hurts my feelings (it is an easy low blow for them to use against me) or because deep down I know that the comparison is sometimes true.

3 comments on ““Just like me”

  1. judyjourneys says:

    I am glad you recognize that your father does have some positive attributes, ones that you are proud to carry on. Nobody is perfect, however; and hopefully, we all work at improving our “hang-ups.” Sometimes we will succeed, sometimes not. Some results will come later rather than sooner. I think that we can be our harshest critic at times and need to remind ourselves to “give it a rest.”
    Have you ever told your boyfriend and sister that it hurts your feelings when they compare you with your father? If they do not respect your feelings, think about who has the problem.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Do Nothing Daughter says:

      Your responses are always so thoughtful. I guess I have not really expressed clearly to my sister and boyfriend that it bothers me. I am sure that they don’t realize. And, yes, one of the reasons that I never completely cut my father out of my life is because I would see little glimmers of the good things I remembered.

      I am definitely my harshest critic- I always have been!!!


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