Answer: My dad is great!!!

New-Haven-Cold-Cast-Bronze-Crown-Pendulum-Clock

Question: What is a response you would NEVER expect to give when your friend asks how your day with your family was…

It’s just so weird. I still can’t wrap my head around it. My dad is sober. MY dad…sober.

Today, while my mom was at work, my sister and I went to visit my dad. Usually this is something we dread, but since he hasn’t been drinking, he isn’t being nasty or harassing us like he used to. I actually even had a pretty real conversation with him today that went like this:

Dad: “do you know that mom JUST told me last week that I went through withdrawal in the hospital” (for those who don’t know, my dad had a stroke in October and was in the hospital for a week with horrible withdrawal symptoms)

Me: “she just now told you that?”

My sister: “dad, you don’t remember ANY of it? It was really, really bad. I thought you were going to die”

Dad: “no, I couldn’t believe it when mom told me”

Me: “dad, you were freaking out and looked HORRIBLE. The doctors wouldn’t even let us come on the day that it was the worst, only mommy went”

This is where the conversation really got unbelievable…wait for it…

Dad: “I thought mom would be nicer to me now that I’m not drinking and smoking”

Me: “dad, can I tell you something without you getting mad??? When you were drinking, you were not the nicest person to mom or to us (um, understatement of the century!) You can’t just expect mom to be all lovey-dovey because she probably still is really angry with you at how you have treated her over the years”

Dad: quiet for a minute “yeah”

Wow. I mean, there have been moments where my dad has been relatively sober where I have been able to talk to him, but this is just so different. Everything is just so different. I think my mom and my sister and I are afraid to really trust his sobriety because he can’t drive yet. He might not ever be well enough to drive, but if he does get to the point where he can, that is where the real test of his sobriety will happen.

But, I have decided that I am just going to enjoy these moments I have with my dad while he is sober and stop thinking so much about what might happen. I mean, I can’t control it anyway! But it was nice to have an afternoon where we felt like a “normal family”, kind of like when I was a kid. In fact, while my sister was in another room doing something, my dad and I sat down with a clock that he built many years ago that I am going to inherit at some point (I was hoping today lol) and he showed me how he carved the inlay and taught me how to work the winding key and pendulum. It brought me back to when I was a little girl, back before he really became an alcoholic, when he would bring me down to his shop and teach me how to use his compressor or I would watch him cut wood on his table saw. It showed me that even though I know I can’t erase the bad memories from the past two decades, that there might still be time to make new, good memories with my dad.

7 comments on “Answer: My dad is great!!!

  1. I have just started to read your blog. We seem two peas in a pod w/ the parents.

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    • Sarah,
      That makes me feel happy and sad- lol. Happy that there are other people who can relate to my situation, but sad that you have had to go through some of the things that I have experienced.

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      • I was so always so scared to call 911, got as close as the phone in my hand, but never went through with it. Why did society let it happen? No neighbors called police, no waiters or waitresses refused to serve him (or my drunk mom). My eyes would pleading bore into our adult neighbor when we ran into him at the library to please help me – to no avail. I have lots of anger, still! I’ll keep reading yours. Read my “flashback” ones in my blog, they are the ones about my parents. I even arranged an intervention on them. No go.

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        • I will definitely read more of your posts on your blog. I’m so sorry you went through that 😦

          Luckily, my sister had NO fear of calling 911 and many neighbors called too, but when it came down to it, my mom protected my dad once the cops showed up (out of fear or something else, I’m not sure). I don’t blame you for having a lot of anger!! Keep writing…hopefully that helps some. I will read the flashback ones…

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  2. Nikki says:

    When my mother was sober I enjoyed every moment of it. As much as I wanted to lecture her, and tell her how awful she was and how much I hated her, it was so much easier just to enjoy those simple moments. Even now if she gives me a call when she is sober I tell her I love her, and keep the phone call to a minimum. I am not lucky though to receive many of those sober phone calls. But now when I look back on those moments I spent with her when she was sober I am very grateful. Enjoy those precious moments because more than not we have WAY more bad memories than good memories. At least for me. As awful as it sounds its so comforting to read that I am not the only one in this boat. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!

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    • Nikki, I am really glad that you have those memories of sober moments with your mom. It’s weird because I have all these wonderful childhood memories from when I was very young, then terrible memories all throughout my teens and twenties and I never thought I would get a chance to make any more positive memories now in my 30s.

      I am sure you can probably relate, but I just don’t trust it enough to really just completely relax and enjoy it, but each day that things stay calm and he is sober feels like a little gift. It is also very comforting to know my mom is not living in the hellish war zone she has become accustomed to over the past two decades. I mean, now she has to help him use the restroom at times, but at least he isn’t being nasty to her- I guess that is a decent tradeoff lol!

      Thank you for commenting and I know EXACTLY how you feel about not wanting others to experience what you have, but being very grateful that other people can relate 🙂

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  3. That is true. If he stays sober you will make new memories with him. I did with my dad.

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